Signs That You Are In a Toxic Friendship and How to End it ASAP!
Breakups are tough but friend breakups might be worse.
Friends are the family we choose. So when it’s time to cut out a friend it seems so hard because it’s not common to cut off family, especially within the black community.
So what classifies a friendship as toxic? According to healthscope.com a toxic relationship is characterized by insecurity, self-centeredness, dominance, and control. But what is important to keep in mind is that it takes two individuals to have a toxic relationship. Often times we’ll look at the behaviors of the toxic person, but we must look equally hard at the person who is on the receiving end of the toxic behavior. We must ask, Why? Why does an adult stay in a situation that will almost inevitably damage him or her emotionally and/or physically?
One of the biggest challenges of cutting off a friend depends on how long we are in the friendship. Many friendships begin in high-school or college and eventually fall apart because of changing attitudes, perspectives, values, morals, or goals in life. This is ok because people grow and evolve though different stages of life and not everyone grows together. Just because we’ve known someone since high school or college doesn’t mean we should keep them around if they don’t positively serve us. We have this idea that love can end but friends are forever. Sometimes this is the reason why we can’t break a toxic relationship. “If a friendship is causing you to feel depressed, anxious, insecure, guilty, or uncomfortable, it may be time to say goodbye. Friendships are supposed to add to your life, not detract from it.” — Bustle.
- You don’t feel you can be yourself with that person.
- They either ghost you or only make time for you when it’s convenient for them (like their other plans fell through) or they are smothering and controlling — getting jealous when you give attention to others.
- You feel like you guys are constantly competing against each other.
- Instead of giving advice they try to manage your decisions “even if they are coming from a good place they can’t live your life for you.”
- Your friendship provides more stress than support.
- You catch them frequently talking about you behind your back.
- You can’t remember why you guys are friends/what you like about them.
One thing to remember is that when you cut off toxic friends they almost always come back like fuck boys but their behavior just gives validation as to why you made the decision you did. Your life is always going to be better after removing toxic people and it makes room for stronger relationships with current friends and opens opportunities to new friendships.
In this episode, the So-Called Oreos share personal stories when they discovered they had a toxic friend and Janae opens up about the time she came to the realization that she was actually the one that was toxic in the friendship.
Kia mentions how birthdays tend to be a common time to find out your real friends. The red flags that helped her prevent future toxic relationships were friends that wouldn’t want her hanging out with anyone else, those who didn’t have any other strong or long term friendships, people who would always be arguing or in constant drama and friends who could never apologize correctly.
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