Does the “Nice Guy” Exist?
What does being a “nice guy” even mean?
What is a nice guy? Is that a guy who is genuinely nice? Or is it a sarcastic way of describing the guy who thinks he deserves woman because he does the bare minimum of being nice? One Urban Dictionary definition is: a Nice Guy refers to people (men or women) who believe basic social expectations are currency for sex. In the literal sense, the term describes a man who is agreeable, gentle, compassionate, sensitive and vulnerable (Wikipedia). But, this can be used both positively and negatively. A nice guy can also imply a man who is unassertive or otherwise non-masculine. And when men often claim that women do not like nice guy, they are saying when like jerks and the men that treat women poorly.
When I think of the nice guy, it definitely is on the negative side since it is used to often justify the terrible treatment of women. It’s a term often used by the incel community to justify why women are “sluts” and “whores” and they deserve the “Chads” or the alpha male who is probably a fuck boy. To them, women should want someone like them but the real question is why? Their answer would be simply because they are nice.
There are so many issues with them. For one, being nice is the bare minimum of human decency. Being nice should come natural to you. No one should be rewarded for being nice. And what exactly makes you nice? Because you don’t hit women or actually take them out? Is that the bar we are setting now? So because you are a “nice guy” you deserve unlimited access to women? Someone who is actually nice would never need to go out of their way to explain how they are nice or justify their treatment to others. We also almost never see women using this tactic. Women don’t go around saying they are nice so they deserve boyfriends. We do have the “pick mes” who think they deserve husbands because they cook and clean but that’s another issue.
Lastly, I think men are confusing nice with compatibility. First of all, women’s standards are more than just being nice. What do you bring to the table. Are you ambitious, do you have fun hobbies, are you funny? Everyone wants something different in a partner but I think we could all agree we expect our partner to be nice at the minimum. And you can have everything on paper. You can be nice, have a great job and income, are ambitious and super funny but maybe you just aren’t a right match for someone you are interested in. And that’s okay. You’re not suppose to be compatible with everyone, that’s what makes finding a partner special. But often times when you explain this to men, they get upset or act childish because they don’t understand. The way someone acts after you tell them you don’t think you are compatible shows a lot about the person. And often times it reveals if that person really was a nice guy.
So if you are nice guy, you don’t have to say it. We will know because your actions. If if nice is all you are bringing to the table, step your game up. And don’t be salty if you aren’t compatible with someone. You aren’t suppose to hit it off with everyone.
In this episode, the So-Called Oreos define what exactly is a “nice guy,” the extreme version of a nice guy being an “incel” and how a “pick me” is the female version of a nice guy. (Don’t worry, we explain all these terms!) Kia, Janae and Amari then dive into personal stories with “nice guys” they have encountered and read audience answers on their definition of a nice guy and if they believe nice guys exist.
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